“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” -Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
In the spring of 2014, I broke up with the only boyfriend I had ever had. We dated for three and a half years, and while I knew separating was for the best, it didn’t make the transition any less painful.
I kept asking myself, “How did I not love him enough? What could I have done differently? How am I not enough for him?”
Too soon after my breakup, I found myself attracted to someone who ultimately was only interested in having sex with me. When I rejected him, he never spoke to me again. I was outraged that to him I wasn’t even worth spending time or having a conversation with.
No. Not a chance. I refuse to accept that.
It is easy to fall into thinking that you aren’t enough when people reject you whether that be a friend, a love interest, a family member, or especially yourself. Please, believe me when I say that you are enough. You always have been, and you always will be.
The hardest part of accepting you are enough is blocking out all the things telling you that you aren’t.
Honestly, it is a challenge for me to not want to fix every imperfect part of my body; to see my best friend have three majors, know five languages, go to college for free and not feel unaccomplished; or to have my brother tell me that every single thing about me is annoying and not want to sob my eyes out.
What can you do to embrace who you are and completely believe that you deserve to be loved and to be accepted?
Try talking to yourself like you would talk to one of your friends—with compassion and understanding. Would you constantly tell a friend that she should lose the fat on her hips? If your friend just got dumped, would you tell her that she deserved it and would never find someone as good again? No! You would be a terrible friend. So what good is it going to do if we talk to ourselves like that? Psychologist Ethan Cross said that people are kinder to themselves when they talk to themselves using their name instead of I.
Ladies, you are worthy of someone who respects you enough to date you and not just sleep with you. You are worthy of friends who value and accept you. You are worthy of loving yourself despite being flawed, insecure, confused, scared, or broken. Don’t accept anything less.