Soon before my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I sought the counsel of one of my professors who always helps me see life clearly and leads me in the right direction. At the end of our conversation, he said, “I think you know exactly what you need to do.” He was right. I knew almost from the very beginning of our three-and-a-half-year relationship that my ex-boyfriend and I shouldn’t be together.
When I called upon a psychologist to help me through my religious crisis, all the sessions lead up to his telling me, “You know what you truly believe, and you are never going to change.”
In both situations I spent years trying to rationalize things I knew weren’t right out of fear, social pressure, and even love. Boy, I was stressed—major cognitive dissonance! It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to live contrary to who you truly are.
Sociologist and author of “Finding Your Own North Star” Martha Beck says everyone has an essential self and a social self or who we are and who we think we should be. She says our bodies give us clear signs when we are going against our essential selves. “That feeling of choked hostility, or numb depression, or nauseated helplessness is a sure sign you’re steering…toward a life you were not meant to live.”
When I finally surrendered and accepted myself, I felt such blissful freedom. Ladies, take time to truly listen to your intuition and your feelings about whatever you are dealing with. Asking a million people for their advice will only confuse you and frustrate you, and it won’t change your life. Be brave and live life the way you want to live it even if it seems scary. When you do, you will feel lighter, freer, less stressed, and more whole because there is no longer a battle going on inside of you.